Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Home Awaits in Sunny Tenerife!
Escape to Paradise: Tenerife or Bust! (My Honest Take, Plus Why You NEED to Book Now!)
Okay, so, Tenerife. Sunny Tenerife. The dream, right? And "Escape to Paradise"? Sounds… well, sounds like they’re promising paradise. Let's see if they deliver. I'm writing this because, frankly, I'm sick of fake reviews. So, here's the REAL DEAL on Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Home Awaits in Sunny Tenerife! (and yes, I took notes, because, well, I’m a bit of a nerd.)
First Impressions - The Arrival & The "Accessibility" Thing:
Getting there was surprisingly smooth. (Thank you, airport transfer, for being actually on time, unlike some experiences I've had.) Right off the bat, accessibility is decent. They've got an elevator, that's a HUGE win for anyone with mobility issues (phew!). Facilities for disabled guests are listed, which is promising, but until I see it for myself it's hard to say how well it works. The exterior corridor setup is a total plus, especially if you're worried about stuffy hallways. Check-in/out [express] and Check-in/out [private] options? Nice touch for those who value a quick escape. And the doorman - who, let's be honest, makes you feel like a celebrity just by opening the car door – a solid amenity.
Rooms & Comfort - My Sanctuary (Hopefully Clean!)
Okay, the rooms. This is where things get interesting. The air conditioning? Essential in Tenerife. My room? Non-smoking (thank GOD). The blackout curtains were a godsend because I always forget to bring an eye mask, meaning I could sleep in past 6 am without sunlight attacking my eyes! The bathroom was definitely a high point, with a separate shower/bathtub and good water pressure (a MUST-HAVE!). Bathtub, bathrobes, and slippers… let me tell you, after a long day in the sun, it was the BEST! The in-room safe box was another plus. I could put all my important things in there and not worry about the hotel staff being able to sneak out with my passport!
Linens? Fresh. Towels? Fluffy. Daily housekeeping? A sanity saver. (*And you know how I got a *Room Sanitization opt-out available. That made me feel good).I did have a Window that opens, which was great for fresh air, but the soundproofing could do with a little more work. So, maybe not the soundproof rooms they claim, but pretty darn close. Oh! And there's a hair dryer and mirror in the bathroom! This is a blessing.
Cleaning & Safety - Smelling the Anti-Viral Spray (and Breathing Easy):
Let’s be real, in the post-pandemic world, cleanliness is KING. And Escape to Paradise, thankfully, seems to get it. Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Rooms sanitized between stays, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items. The staff seemed to be trained in safety protocol. Hand sanitizer everywhere. Physical distancing measures were in place (though, let’s be honest, sometimes people still get a bit close). Cashless payment service? Absolutely critical. Sterilizing equipment…okay, that's reassuring.
Dining, Drinking, & Snacking - Food Glorious Food! (and the Occasional Side of Regret)
This is where I REALLY nerded out. Okay, here's the lowdown:
- Restaurants: Restaurants! They have several. A la carte in restaurant, Asian cuisine in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant – options galore! I am absolutely here for the Asian breakfast after a long day in the pool!
- Bars: Yes, of course, they have a Bar. The Poolside bar was a godsend for a refreshing cocktail! Happy hour? I’m in!
- Casual Bites: Coffee/tea in restaurant? Needed it. Snack bar? Essential after a hard day of sunbathing. Desserts in restaurant? Don't ask, just… yes.
- Room Service: Room service [24-hour]! A must-have. I spent a whole day in my bathrobe ordering room service, and I regret nothing!
- Extras: Bottle of water in the room (nice touch). Breakfast [buffet]. Breakfast service, Breakfast takeaway service? Score!
The Food Experience: The Good, The Bad, and The "Whoa, Momma!"
Okay, here's the tea. The a la carte in the restaurant served Salad in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, and Coffee/tea in restaurant . The quality of food was fantastic, but the Coffee shop was a bit of a letdown, but the happy hour at the bar was amazing!
Things To Do & Ways To Relax - Paradise Found? (or Almost)
Pool Time: The Swimming pool [outdoor] was beautiful, and it had a Pool with view. I spent days just chilling there.
Spa/Relaxation: Spa? You know it! Sauna, Spa/sauna, Steamroom - I was in heaven. Body scrub, Body wrap, Foot bath, Massage… oh my god, I almost fell asleep right there. Seriously, book a massage. Your muscles (and your sanity) will thank me.
Fitness: Fitness center? I saw it. I went. I glared at the treadmill. (Don’t judge. I was on VACATION!) Gym/fitness is an option for the fitness-minded.
Other stuff: The hotel has Terrace to spend an afternoon.
Business & Convenience - The Practicalities (and the "Nice-to-Haves")
- Essentials: Air conditioning in public area? YES. Air conditioning in all rooms? Double YES. Concierge? Super helpful. Cash withdrawal? Convenience store? CHECK, CHECK! Daily housekeeping, Dry cleaning, Laundry service, Ironing service, Luggage storage. Essentially, they’ve got you covered.
- The Extras: Currency exchange. Gift/souvenir shop. Safety deposit boxes. All the things you might need.
For the Kids - A Family Escape?
- *Family/child friendly. Definitely a family-friendly place. Babysitting service? Nice. Kids facilities? I didn't see them in action, but they were there. Kids meal? That’s thoughtful.
Services and Conveniences - Getting Around
- Getting Around: Airport transfer (a lifesaver), Parking (yay, free!), Taxi service. Car park [on-site], Car park [free of charge] are both great. Car power charging station (nice for those with an electric vehicle).
The Verdict - Worth the Escape?
Listen, I’m brutally honest. Escape to Paradise isn’t perfect. But it’s REALLY, REALLY GOOD. The location is great, the staff is friendly, and the amenities are top-notch. The food is delicious, the spa is divine, and the rooms are comfortable and safe. The accessibility is pretty good! Its got that classic hotel vibe, but with enough modern touches to keep things interesting.
Why YOU Should Book RIGHT NOW and Book With Me:
Okay, so you are sold by now. Here’s why you should do it ASAP:
- It's a Dream: Okay, so it's not THE perfect dream, but it's close! Booking right away makes you feel like you're doing something right, isn't it?
- The Spa: I haven’t stopped thinking about that massage. Literally.
- The Pool: If you're looking for a place to relax and enjoy the sun. This is the place.
- Peace of Mind: Safe dining setup? Rooms sanitized between stays? That kind of safety is priceless.
- It's a great place to unwind. If you are like me, you may need a break from a long, hard year.
SEO Stuff (because, you know, Google):
This review covers EVERYTHING. *Accessibility, On-site accessible restaurants / lounges, Wheelchair accessible, Internet access, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, Wi-Fi in public areas, Things to do, ways to relax, Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Pool with view, Sauna, Spa, Spa/sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool, Swimming pool [outdoor], Cleanliness and safety, Anti-viral cleaning products, Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service, Cashless payment service, Daily disinfection in common areas, Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individ
Escape to Paradise: Stunning Sea View Apartment in Spain!
Okay, deep breaths. Here we go. Tenerife, baby! Bright and Spacious House in the South! This is supposed to be relaxation… but honestly, the packing itself has already given me hives. Anyway, here’s my glorious, probably doomed, itinerary:
Day 1: The Arrival (and Immediate Panic)
- Morning (or, let's be honest, late morning): Flight from… well, let's just say away. I'm pretty sure I’ve aged a decade on this particular journey. That screaming toddler? My new nemesis. Anyway, landing at Tenerife South (Reina Sofía Airport). Luggage, luggage, where art thou luggage? Found it. Phew.
- Quirky Observation: The Spanish passport control guy looked exactly like a chilled-out version of my grumpy uncle. Weird.
- Afternoon: Pick up the rental car. This is where the fun truly begins. I’m convinced I'll crash into a roundabout before I even see the "Bright and Spacious House". Driving on the “wrong” (right!) side of the road, navigating the tiny, twisty streets… pure chaos. Took me three attempts to get out of the airport parking! Pray for me.
- Late Afternoon/Evening: Arrive at the "Bright and Spacious House." Oh, it’s actually bright and spacious! I feel a tiny surge of actual, genuine joy. Unpack (eventually). Struggle with the washing machine (always a battle). Pop open a bottle of local wine (I've earned it).
- Emotional Reaction: Seriously, that first sip of wine? Pure, unadulterated bliss. The world is good. For precisely 10 minutes. Then I realised I hadn’t had a proper meal, so I was hangry as hell.
- Evening: Wander to the local supermarket. Attempt to buy groceries. Get completely and utterly lost in the sheer expanse of choices. End up buying a pack of biscuits and a mystery-meat-looking product I couldn’t translate. Dinner: biscuits.
- Imperfection: I forgot to bring the adapter for my phone. Goodbye to social media, I guess. Good riddance, actually. I’m going to attempt to be a person for a week. Maybe. Probably not.
- Opinionated language: "Oh my god, the Spanish language is just… so hard. Even "hello". "¡Hola!" Sounds like a toddler greeting their pet hamster.
Day 2: Beach Day (Attempted Calm Amidst the Chaos)
- Morning: Wake up. Sun streaming in. Feeling moderately human. Decide to brave the beach. "Las Vistas Beach" is the plan.
- Late Morning: Find Las Vistas. It's… overwhelming. Beautiful, yes, but also packed. Sunbeds everywhere. The sheer volume of people. And the sand! Fine and hot. I can see the tourist hordes from a distance. It’s almost funny.
- Afternoon (The Catastrophe): Okay, so I found a spot (after a 45-minute sunbed negotiation). Sunscreen applied. Hat on. Ready for relaxation. Within five minutes, a rogue wave nearly claimed my towel, the wind whipped my hat into the ocean, and a small child decided my leg was the perfect place to plant a wet, sandy handprint. I am breaking.
- Rambles: Why is it always me? Why am I the designated target of small children and rogue elements? I just wanted a quiet beach day! I just wanted peace! I'm pretty sure a seagull is eying my sandwich right now. This is the ultimate test of self-control.
- Doubling Down: I spent the next hour obsessively guarding my sandwich and trying not to get dragged into a sandcastle competition. I swear, every time I closed my eyes, I heard the distant cries of a small child. By the end of it, I was the color of a boiled lobster and had sand everywhere. I swear, I am never, ever doing this again. Never.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: I HATE beaches!
- Late Afternoon: Escape the beach. Head back to the house. Collapse. Drink more wine. Look out at the ocean. It's pretty. I can see the beach from a distance. I shudder
Day 3: Volcano Adventure (or, The Day I Nearly Died on a Mountain)
- Morning: Decide to be adventurous. Teide National Park! Drive up, see the volcano, conquer nature!
- Mid-Morning (The Hike): The drive up is amazing (the only decent drive I've done this holiday). Views for days! Stop at a cafe for a coffee… that tasted like petrol. Ignore the warnings about the altitude. Start hiking a trail near the peak.
- Afternoon (The Near-Death Experience): The climb… it's grueling. Altitude sickness hits me like a ton of bricks. Head pounding. Short of breath. Legs turning to jelly. I can't believe I am doing this. I am going to DIE on the side of a volcano.
- Stream-of-consciousness: OhGodOhGodOhGod, I should have listened to that guy in the cafe. Every breath is a victory. Am I hallucinating? Is that a giant lizard? Is that a mirage? My vision is blurring. I see… did I just see a goat wearing a tiny hat? No, I must concentrate, am I even alive?
- Messier Structure: Okay, so… I made it to the top… sort of. I'm still alive, somehow. The view, though, was… stunning. Absolutely incredible. The scale of it all! I felt a strange mix of accomplishment, terror, and nausea.
- Late Afternoon: The descent. Slower this time. Drink about six litres of water. Vow to never, ever underestimate a mountain again.
- Evening: Back at the house. Eat a pizza (very slowly). Sink into the sofa. I never want to move again.
- Opinionated Language: "The volcano? Phenomenal. Also, completely terrifying. Should've hired a Sherpa."
Day 4: Local Exploration (and a Near-Miss with Donkeys)
- Morning: Drive through the local villages. Attempt some cultural immersion. Get lost. Again.
- Later Morning: Find a charming little village, garachico, with a charming little church and a charming little square. Admire the scenery.
- Quirky Observation: The Spanish people are so laid-back. Everything happens at a "mañana" pace. Which is slowly killing me. I'm used to the fast-paced life. I can't imagine how people do things here.
- Afternoon: Go on a donkey ride at Erjos. Not my finest moment. The donkey deliberately tried to scrape me against a tree. I swear, it was personal.
- Imperfection: Fell off the donkey
- Evening: Found a great little restaurant. Ate a delicious meal. Started to feel like I was finally getting the hang of this whole vacation thing.
- Emotional Reaction: Starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I could actually enjoy this holiday.
Day 5-7: The Unscheduled
- The Plan (sort of): More beach time (but hopefully less disastrous). Exploring more of the island. More food. More wine. Maybe even try to learn a few actual Spanish phrases.
- Messier Structure: Basically, I am winging this. There are so many more places I want to see, eat, explore. But I have to relax.
- The Reality: Whatever happens, happens. I'll probably eat a lot, explore a bit, and curse the sunbed-hogging tourists. And the seagulls. And the donkey. And… well, you get the idea.
- Final Thoughts: Tenerife is beautiful, chaotic, and occasionally terrifying. But it’s mine for a week. And you know what? That's pretty damn good.
- Opinionated Finish: I definitely need a vacation from my vacation when I go home. But, I'm going to miss this place.
Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Home Awaits in Sunny Tenerife! (Or Does It?) - FAQs!
So, Tenerife... Is it *really* paradise? Like, the REAL deal?
Alright, let's be honest. Paradise? That's a BIG word. I went there thinking, “Sun, sand, sangria, instant happiness!” And… it’s complicated. The scenery? Stunning. The Teide volcano? Majestic. The beaches? Well, some are gorgeous, some are…let's just say, “rustic.” (Think volcanic rock and the occasional rogue wave that tries to steal your towel.)
Look, it's amazing. But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. One day, I swear, a giant lizard – I'm talking *iguana-sized* – tried to steal my sandwich. Seriously. Paradise, meet reality. It's a blend, like a bad cocktail. Beautiful, but maybe a little… unexpected. You know, the kind of unexpected where you're waving a baguette at a reptile hoping it understands the concept of "hands off!"
Okay, so the house-buying bit… easy breezy, right?
Oh, honey. Bless your heart. Easy? Let me tell you about my experience. I imagined glamorous house hunting, sipping cocktails, and signing on the dotted line with a flourish. What ACTUALLY happened was… a lot of paperwork. A LOT. In a language I barely spoke. I spent more time in local banks, staring blankly, than I did sunbathing. And the bureaucracy? Don't even get me started.
There was this *one* guy, a surveyor, who spoke English. Bless him. He was a lifesaver. He also had this habit of turning up an hour late for appointments, reeking of strong coffee and what I *think* was something else. He was a character, but the house would have been impossible without him.
The actual purchase? We nearly lost the house because a document – a *single* document – went missing. This was day 7 of the paperwork and if I had a stress cat, it would have imploded. I spent the whole day yelling at the real estate agent (who, by the way, was completely useless and was definitely getting her nails done instead of helping). Long story short, it turned up, buried under a pile of... stuff. Don’t ask. It's the most terrifying, and also, the most *rewarding* experiences. It’s not for the faint of heart, but wow, am I happy to be here.
And a tip? Learn some Spanish. Even if it's just "Hola" and "Más sangria, por favor." You'll need it. And maybe pack a stress ball.
What about the cost of living? Is it cheaper than, say, London?
Okay, hold on to your hats. It *can* be cheaper, but it depends on your lifestyle. If you're planning on living like a local – eating tapas, drinking local wine, and not demanding imported everything – then, yes, it's definitely more affordable than some places. Like, a lot more affordable.
BUT, if you're insistent on having your Starbucks every morning, and your designer everything, and your life revolves around having the latest gadget? That's where things get tricky. It’s not crazy expensive, but the "expat premium" can be real. Think of it as a hidden tax on your desire for the familiar. Don't let the price of your coffee make you a grumpy human.
My advice? Embrace the local culture. Embrace the cheap, delicious wine. Embrace the fact that you're saving money! And maybe learn to make your own coffee. I drink far too much.
What's the best part of living in Tenerife?
Honestly? The sunsets. Seriously. They're like a daily art show. Unbelievable. And the feeling of never having to shovel snow again. That’s a winner. The slower pace of life is also a huge plus. The people, in general, are really lovely - so welcoming! But the sunsets...
I remember my *first* sunset. I just sat on the beach, mouth agape, and I didn't care if a seagull tried to steal my crisps. It was pure, unadulterated bliss. Pure, unadulterated, seagull-adjacent bliss. And the fact that the sun sets pretty much *every* day? Priceless. I'm still a sucker for a good sunset, even now!
The worst part about living there? Surely it’s not all sunshine and rainbows…
Okay, here's where I get real. The internet. Some days it’s like dial-up from the 90s. Trying to work remotely can be… testing. Imagine trying to upload a video call with a client and the connection dropping just as they open the file! Not fun.
And getting certain things done can be a *challenge*. "Mañana" is the operative word. Always. Need something fixed? Expect to wait. Need a delivery? Patience. It's a lesson in letting go of your control freak tendencies, believe me. And the lizards. Too many lizards. (Kidding... mostly.)
Oh, and... the driving. Let's just say, driving standards are… *different*. You learn to embrace the chaos. And the roundabouts? They're death traps. I swear.
But hey, it’s a beautiful place with a slower pace of life. You can’t have it all!
Should I do it? Should I really move to Tenerife?
That depends entirely on you. If you're after a life of absolute perfection, where everything runs smoothly, and where you can get decent internet at all times, you might want to reconsider.
But if you're looking for adventure, a change of pace, and some seriously stunning scenery, and you're prepared to roll with the punches? Then, absolutely. Do it. Just pack a good book, some patience, and maybe a translator app. And a very, very good bug spray (those mosquitos!). Oh, and definitely learn the local "Hello".
So, is this REALLY Your Dream Home?
You know? It is. It really is. Despite the paperwork, the lizards, the internet, and the roundabouts. It's home. It’s messy. It’s imperfect. It's *mine*. And you know what? That's perfect. Mostly.
