Escape to Paradise: Sunmoonstarvillas Indonesia Awaits!
Alright, let's dive headfirst into reviewing what sounds like… well, a lot going on at this [Hotel Name… or whatever it's called, I'm gonna pretend it's "The Grand Splurge"]. This thing is a freaking checklist. Perfect, because I live for a good checklist. And a good rant. So buckle up, buttercups. We’re going on a ride. And let’s be honest, my SEO is going to be… a thing.
Accessibility – The Grand Splurge: Can You Get Around? (Hopefully!)
Okay, starting off strong with… accessibility. Critical. Wheelchair accessible? Needs to be a solid YES or a VERY clearly explained NO. This is 2024, people. Elevator? Crucial. Facilities for disabled guests? Give details! Ramps? Braille signage? That type of thing. I hate when a place claims to be accessible and then you're battling a mountain of stairs and three revolving doors. The Grand Splurge better have its act together on this one, or they'll be hearing from me.
On-site restaurants/lounges: Crucial for accessibility, if you are using a wheelchair, or even if you have mobility challenges. Having to navigate the city for a meal is not ideal.
Let's assume they've nailed the basics. Fingers crossed.
…Internet! (Because, Let’s Be Real, This Is 2024)
Alright, Wi-Fi. A basic human right these days. Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! – Thank the heavens. Internet access [LAN]? For those old-school wired folks. Internet services? What does this even mean? More importantly is the Wi-Fi fast? That's the real question. Nothing worse than hotel Wi-Fi that crawls. I've lost hours of my life waiting for a page to load. The hotel is doomed, and it doesn't even know it yet.
Wi-Fi in public areas? Essential. Need to update those Instagram stories, people. Or, you know, work. Or, stalk your ex. Whatever floats your boat. (Not literally, you know I mean, the pool is not the place to do that).
Things to Do & Ways to Relax – Let's Get Pampered (or Not… We'll See)
Okay, this is where we get to the fun stuff. Because, look, a checklist hotel better have ways to unwind. And I mean, properly.
- Spa/Sauna/Steamroom: Okay, good start. Spa is a must. Sauna, even better. Steamroom? Love it. But… is it a proper, soul-cleansing spa, or is it that weird, generic steam room that smells vaguely of bleach and sadness? This is important. This is vital.
- Body scrub/Body wrap: Luxury alert! I'm in.
- Fitness center/Gym/Fitness: Look, I intend to work out on vacation. I almost always fail. But the option is nice. Hopefully the treadmills aren't from the Jurassic period.
- Pool with view: Okay, getting warmer… A pool with a view? Yes. YES. Is it a panoramic view? A city skyline? Overlooking a gorgeous garden? Tell me more. I need to know if this is Instagrammable. Very important information.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]/Swimming pool: Double pools? Excellent. Never a bad thing to have two pools.
- Massage: Essential.
Cleanliness and Safety – Because, You Know, Living in the World Today
Alright, the serious stuff. I'm looking for reassurance here. This is not a joke. I'm bringing my own Clorox wipes, but…
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Very good.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Alright, I feel a little more secure.
- Hand sanitizer: Thank you.
- Hygiene certification: Tell me more, please.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Good.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Excellent.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Alright, you are checking all the boxes.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: It makes me happy that I can opt-out of sanitization.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Okay, this is all great.
- Safe dining setup: What does this actually entail?
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Standard, but good to know.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Essential. They better be.
- Sterilizing equipment: Double checking, excellent.
My biggest concern? Hot water linen and laundry washing. Because some places… shudder.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking – Fueling the Adventure (Or the Napping)
Ah, the good stuff. Gotta keep that energy up.
- Restaurants: Multiple? Variety? Please tell me there's a good breakfast buffet…
- A la carte in restaurant/Buffet in restaurant: Yes to both!
- Asian/International/Western cuisine in restaurant: Options! Always good.
- Bar/Poolside bar: Cheers to that.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant/Coffee shop: Essential for me.
- Desserts/Salad/Soup in restaurant: Yes.
- Happy hour: Yes, please.
- Snack bar: For when I'm too lazy to go to the restaurant.
- Room service [24-hour]: A must.
- Breakfast [buffet]/Breakfast in room/Breakfast takeaway service: Love all of them, especially the room service.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Important for some, but not for me.
- Bottle of water: A nice touch.
Services and Conveniences – Got Time for That?
This is where a hotel either shines or fails. Good services can make a trip.
- Air conditioning in public area/Air conditioning: Vital.
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: For the meetings.
- Business facilities: Meeting/banquet facilities/Meetings/Seminars: The people who use them should love this.
- Cash withdrawal: Convenient.
- Concierge: Yes, please.
- Contactless check-in/out: Love it. Saves time.
- Currency exchange: Handy.
- Daily housekeeping: Essential.
- Doorman: A level of service I've never experienced but hey, I can dream.
- Dry cleaning/Ironing service/Laundry service: Yes, yes, and yes.
- Elevator: Crucial. Has it been mentioned yet???
- Facilities for disabled guests: Again.
- Food delivery: Good for food
- Gift/souvenir shop: Perfect for "I didn't get you anything, but here's a t-shirt" moments.
- Luggage storage: Always appreciate it.
- Meeting stationery: For those meetings.
- On-site event hosting/Outdoor venue for special events/Indoor venue for special events: Good if this is your jam.
- Projector/LED display: For those meetings.
- Safety deposit boxes: Essential.
- Shrine: Umm… interesting.
- Smoking area: Because, you know, people.
- Terrace: Love.
- Xerox/fax in business center: Old school.
For the Kids – Tiny Humans Welcome?
- Babysitting service: Yes, thank goodness.
- Family/child friendly/Kids facilities/Kids meal: Okay, good.
Access, Security, and All That Boring (But Crucial) Stuff
- CCTV in common areas/CCTV outside property/Security [24-hour]: Safe? Good.
- Check-in/out [express]/[private]: Nice to have the options.
- Exterior corridor: Depends on the vibe you want.
- Fire extinguisher/Smoke alarms/Smoke detector: Essential.
- Front desk [24-hour]: Good.
- Hotel chain: Is this a chain? Does it matter???
- Non-smoking rooms: Thank you.
- Pets allowed: Check the rules.
- Soundproof rooms/Room decorations/Proposal spot: Okay, the hotel has some things!
Getting Around – How Do You Even Get Here?
- Airport transfer: Always a plus.
- **Car park
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's perfectly-planned Indonesian getaway. This is SUNMOONSTARVILLAS, baby, and we're gonna get messy.
Sunmoonstarvillas: Operation Get Lost (And Maybe Find Myself?) - A Hot Mess Itinerary
Day 1: Arrival and the Great Luggage Debacle (Denpasar - Sanur)
- 6:00 AM (ish) - Wake Up With The Birds (Or, More Accurately, My Annoying Alarm That Sounds Like a Tiny, Aggressive Robot). Okay, no, I didn't wake up with the birds. I woke up with a panicked realization that my passport was almost certainly NOT in the same place I thought I'd put it. Cue a frantic, slightly hysterical search of my apartment. Found it! Right where I left it (of course). Am I even cut out for this travel thing?
- 8:00 AM (ish) - Airport Hustle: Denpasar Airport. Ugh. The lines! The smells (a weird mix of incense, body odor, and something vaguely floral). Successfully navigated the customs gauntlet (surprisingly!). Found the pre-booked airport transfer, which meant I actually DID something right. Feels good.
- 10:00 AM (ish) - The Luggage Monster Strikes! My beautiful, overpacked suitcase (seriously, I packed for a DOOMSDAY scenario!) decides to stage a disappearing act. Seriously? In Bali, where EVERYTHING is supposed to be about chill vibes? I mean! After some panicked phone calls to the airline (which felt like shouting into a very loud void), the driver assured me it would be delivered to the villa later. So now i'm traveling light- or at least more light- for a bit. I'll focus on chill vibes.
- 12:00 AM (ish) - Sanur Serenity (Attempted): Finally, FINALLY, at Sunmoonstarvillas. The place is stunning, truly. Lush greenery, pools that beckon you in, that perfect tropical air… until I realize I'm still in the same clothes I wore on the plane, and I haven't changed clothes in over 10 hours. Decided not to do anything for the first few hours other than sit in the open air and stare. Maybe i need a Bintang after all to chill out.
- 2:00 PM (ish) - Lunch-ish: Went to a local warung, tried Nasi Campur. The food was good, and the staff was very sweet, but I also think I consumed some serious red chilli because my mouth felt like it was on fire for the next hour.
- 4:00 PM (ish) - Poolside Meltdown: I was in the pool, and I was the very picture of serenity… until a swarm of tiny, invisible mosquito's descended upon me. This is where I decided that I would absolutely LOATHE mosquitos for the rest of my life.
- 6:00 PM (ish) - Sunset Stroll and Deep Thoughts: I wandered down to the beach, watching the sunset. The colors were insane-pink, orange, purple, the whole shebang. Started wondering if I will stay here forever. I started thinking about life, and purpose, and if I should have invested in crypto.
Day 2: Ubud Adventures and Monkey Business (Sanur - Ubud)
- 8:00 AM (ish) - Breakfast Bliss (Maybe): Breakfast at the villa! Fresh fruit, pancakes… except I think I accidentally ordered the one with the weird, fermented fruit I was warned about. Slightly questionable, to say the least. Decided to stick to the papaya from here on out.
- 9:00 AM (ish) - Driving and the Road From Hell (Ubud-Bound): The villa arranged a driver to take me to Ubud. Traffic here? It's like a free-for-all motorcycle ballet interspersed with the occasional languid cow crossing. It was stressful and fascinating all at once.
- 11:00 AM (ish) - Monkey Forest Mayhem!!! Okay, the Monkey Forest. This is where things went completely off the rails. I'm getting a little emotional even now. It starts off innocently enough. Cute monkeys scampering around. You're taking pictures. They're posing. Then, one decides your sunglasses are a must-have accessory. I mean I tried doing the slow and steady thing, but the monkey was quicker. Then it was clinging to my entire BODY, and I swear it was hissing! I had to flee. I managed to avoid the monkey, but as this was happening, I fell on my behind. I went to the monkey forest to find peace, and I ended up in a clown show.
- 1:00 PM (ish) - Ubud Lunch: The Rice Paddies Call: After the Monkey Forest War Zone: needed to eat something comforting. Found a beautiful restaurant overlooking the rice paddies. The view was breathtaking. I ordered an iced coffee and sat there and healed a little.
- 3:00 PM (ish) - Temple Trouble: Visited the Tirta Empul Temple and its sacred water. It was beautiful and spiritual. I took pictures, did some wading in the shallow water. Thought it would be a cathartic, emotional experience, but really it just made me feel cold. Also, a small child tried to sell me a plastic bracelet. I said no because I had been robbed by the monkeys, and wanted every penny left.
- 5:00 PM (ish) - Yoga, or My Very Lumpy Attempt at Bliss: I tried a yoga class. I am not flexible. I am not graceful. However, I am determined. Struggled through downward dogs and warrior poses, looking more like a mortally wounded giraffe than a yogi. But hey, at least I tried, right? And the teacher was really patient, bless her soul.
- 7:00 PM (ish) - Dinner Disaster - A Culinary Catastrophe: I attempted a cooking class! It was a disaster. I burned the satay, over-spiced the gado-gado, and basically created a culinary abomination. Still, the other people in the class were very sweet, and we had lots of laughs. So, not a total loss.
Day 3: Relaxation, Reflection, and Possibly More Monkeys (Ubud & Back To Sanur)
- 9:00 AM (ish) - Pool Day (Finally!): Spent the morning just lounging by the pool. Got some sun, read a book, and tried to forget the cooking class. Reflected on life. Still hated Mosquitos.
- 12:00 PM (ish) - Return To Sanur and Last Minute Shopping: After a few days in Ubud, I felt the need to return to the comfort of the villa. Hit the stores to look for some last minute gifts.
- 3:00 PM (ish) - Sunset Return: Spent the time with the setting sun and thought about the upcoming days.
- 6:00 PM (ish) - Farewell Dinner & Flights Preparation: A final dinner in Sanur and thoughts about what to do next.
Day 4: Departure… and the Great Luggage Resurrection?
- 6:00 AM (ish) - Last Sunrise - Looking for some more tranquility.
- 8:00 AM (ish) - Airport Hustle - Part Deux: Back to the airport, hoping my luggage is waiting for me… (Fingers crossed, toes crossed, all the things crossed!)
- 10:00 AM (ish) - Goodbye Island - Goodbye, Bali. You beautiful, chaotic, monkey-filled, wonderfully confusing island. I'll never forget you!
- 1:00 PM (ish) - Home: The flight was uneventful and I managed to pick up my luggage. It was time to go home, and rest. This was an adventure, and now it was time to be normal.
- Always - Embrace the Imperfection: That's the spirit of travel, right? It's the unexpected moments, the mishaps, the beautiful messes that make the memories, and those memories are everything. So, go on, take a deep breath, prepare for the chaos, and enjoy the ride. And for the love of all that is holy, watch out for the monkeys!
So, like, what is this *thing* we're doing? I'm already confused.
Good question! Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. But we're kind of exploring... life. My life, your life, the life of a particularly sassy houseplant… You know, the usual existential jazz. And since this is all about me, expect rambles, tangents, and the occasional existential crisis sprinkled with questionable life choices. Basically, think of it as a poorly-organized therapy session… minus the therapist. And plus a whole lotta snark. Which I think is good, right?
Okay, fine. But why the FAQs? Aren't those boring?
Ugh, I *know*, right? FAQs are usually about, I don't know, "How to Reset Your Password" or, "What is Our Return Policy?". Total snoozefest. But hey, I'm trying to be *kinda* organized (sort of). And who knows, maybe by framing things in a question-and-answer way, it'll feel less like I'm just babbling into the void. Plus, I get to pretend I'm a font of all wisdom! (Narrator voice: She is not.)
What's the deal with the "stream-of-consciousness" thing you mentioned? Sounds… exhausting.
Yep, it is. For you, maybe. For me, it’s pretty much how my actual brain works. My thoughts are like that one friend who *always* hijacks the conversation and goes off on a totally unrelated story about their dog. I'm gonna be bouncing around, talking about the time I accidentally wore mismatched socks to a job interview (that was Mortifying with a capital M), or that time I tried that stupid diet. So, yeah… be prepared to get lost in the weeds. And don’t expect things to make perfect sense. Life doesn't, so why should this?
So, you're actually going to talk about *yourself*? Ugh. Self-centered much?
Look, I get it. Nobody *likes* a narcissist. But yeah, this is pretty much all about me. Kind of. But honestly, by sharing my own, often ridiculous, experiences, maybe you'll realize you're not alone in the world. We're all a little bit of a hot mess, you know? We've all tripped and fallen flat on our face at some point. And hey, if I can make you laugh at my expense, well, that's a win-win, right?
Alright, alright. What have you *actually* done with your life? Like, besides… this? And don't bore me.
Hmmmm... Okay, buckle up. I’ve been through a few things. Here's the Reader's Digest version – and trust me, this could be a novel: I went to college (barely survived), got a degree in something I don’t use *at all* (art... should have gone with something useful), and then bounced from job to job like a caffeinated ping-pong ball. There was the soul-crushingly boring office job (cubicle hell!), the freelance fiasco (living on ramen for three years!), and the brief, glorious stint as a… well, let's just say it involved glitter and very unhappy brides. (Note to self: never, *ever* do wedding stuff again). I had a catastrophic relationship, a few half-baked career ideas (a dog-walking empire? yeah, didn't work out), and somehow managed to end up… here. Where "here" is, I'm not entirely sure yet, but we're figuring it out! I’ve made a ton of mistakes, learned a few lessons the hard way (mostly involving burnt toast and disastrous dates), and am still standing. Though, sometimes, barely. And the glitter… is *everywhere*.
What are you *really* passionate about? Besides complaining, I mean.
Okay, okay, I complain a bit. Sue me. But seriously… books! Give me a good book, and I’m happy. I could spend all day curled up with a cup of tea and a ridiculously engrossing novel. Also, good food! Eating. And occasionally, *making* food. (Emphasis on occasionally. My cooking skills are… developing, shall we say). And definitely, unequivocally, *cats*. Without a doubt, the best thing ever. (Don't tell my dog I said that). I love art. Mostly looking at it. Creating? Jury's still out. And I'm a sucker for a good sunset. Or, you know, a decent cup of coffee. Simple pleasures, people. Simple pleasures. And okay, maybe I’m also passionate about the *idea* of being passionately about something. It's aspirational, right?
What are you *not* passionate about then?
I *despise* bureaucracy. The DMV? Pure evil. Anything with endless forms and jargon? My soul withers. I am also not a fan of early mornings, the patriarchy, and people who chew with their mouths open. If you do any of those things, we're probably not going to be friends. Also, I seriously loathe grocery shopping. The endless aisles, the crowds, the strategic placement of candy near the checkout… Ugh. Bad. Very bad. Did I mention I hate having to keep an actual schedule? I end up being an hour late for everything.
Okay, so you're a disaster. What's the point?
Well, aside from my own personal amusement? That's debatable. Look, I'm not claiming to have all the answers. In fact, I don't even have a few. I'm just… trying. Trying to figure things out, trying to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and trying (sometimes failing) to be a slightly better human. Maybe, just maybe, by sharing my struggles, my triumphs (few and far between, mind you), and my general weirdness, you'll feel a little less alone on this crazy ride we call life. Or maybe you'll just think I'm a total nutjob. Either way, welcome to the party!
Okay, I'm in. What can I expect to see more of in the future?
Well, expect more of me, obviously! More rambling, more questionable decisions, more stories about my appalling love life (or lack thereof), and more… well, just *more*. I might talk a lot about my cats (I have two, they are beautiful, andHotels In Asia Search
